Hey everyone!

I wanted to start this post by giving a huge thank you to everyone who’s listened to Rainbow and shared such kind words or reactions. It genuinely means so much to me. As someone who truly loves creating and sharing music, it’s incredibly rewarding to see people connect and enjoy something I’ve poured my heart into. Your support and feedback really keep me inspired to keep going and keep creating; if you haven't listened to Rainbow by the way, feel free to take a listen before reading more!

I had so much fun working with my friend Misty to bring this remix to life. We experimented with new ideas, tried things we’d never done before, and let any dictating mindset take a hike. But, as I mentioned in the description, Rainbow is a deeply personal song for me. It encapsulates and tells a story through its lyrics - one that’s taught me a lot about myself in recent times and given me plenty to reflect on. I’ve called it “juicy but abstained,” mostly because a song description never feels like the right place to share something so personal. Some stories just need their own space to breathe.

I also planned to hold off for a long while, but now? I thought I’d share that 'juicy' story I mentioned in the description a bit earlier than I had originally planned, since it’s been on my mind a lot lately and I’ve started to feel that it might be worth putting it out there - just to throw some more context behind the song. While Rainbow is an extensive rewrite of the track from Vib-Ribbon, it also spins in my own story and interpretation, combining something deeply personal with a song I've personally grown to absolutely love.

Speaking of love, are you familiar with it? Because I sure wasn’t. Life proved to me that my understanding of not just love, but myself, was just simply incomplete 2 months ago.

The Story behind Rainbow

We begin this story on a night out. I’m quite a few drinks in, waaaay past tipsy at this point, minding my own business among the people I’d joined on the night at the dancefloor. Then, whilst dancing (or really, just moving like a twat), I get asked one simple question: "Chillius, do you think that guy over there is good looking?"

Through my blurred, hazy vision, yeah, I could definitely see it. But back then, I wasn't really interested in relationships, love, or anything of the sort. So I brushed anything far out of my head, and just muttered back, "Well... yeah, I guess?"

Next thing I know, someone from our group walks straight over to him, says three things while pointing at me, and suddenly this guy starts walking my way. We dance toward each other, and before I can really think, he places his arms around my shoulders and smiles - this warm, lingering smile catching me off guard. I stare back, slowly realising what’s happening, and my eyes lock with his.

"I looked up and found you, you smiled at me and looked in my eyes"

My mind raced with thoughts, thoughts I’d never had before, as a warm glow began to spread through my whole body. I’d never experienced anything like it, not once in my life, yet it was one of the strongest feelings I’d ever known. I didn’t want it to fade. I was comforted, happy, warmed, whatever you want to call it.

All I wanted was to stay there, holding onto him, as he slowly began to lean in. Something instinctive took over me, and I found myself meeting him halfway. Then, our lips met.

"It's just, after the rain, comes blue skies"

We repeated this, over and over with him turning to face a different way from time to time. He was taller than me, but I reached up just enough to rest my head on his shoulder. He gently took my hands and crossed them over his chest, guiding me into a soft embrace. I could feel his warmth, and for a while, it felt like everything around us had disappeared.

But by the fourth time, something shifted. He checked his phone, and I could tell that the clock had now ran out for him. Without many words, just to tell me that he has work in the morning, he turns and walks away to a table outside. I don’t know if he expected me to follow him, but in that moment, dread settled over me. The warmth was gone, and I was left standing there, taking everything in, overwhelmingly.

"I followed you but you ran away, I wanna hold you I want it all back"

I tell a lie with that last verse, because what came next only happened after one of the people in the group had encouraged me to take some initiative, to go and get some way to contact him. So, pushing my growing anxiety aside for once, I headed outside, found him, and asked if he had any social media. He added himself on Snapchat using my (very smashed) phone, then promptly left.

I also ended up getting the Snapchat of one of his friends, who said she’d tell him how I felt about it all if he didn't end up getting back to me. I was filled mostly with anxiety and fear, but there was still this tiny sliver of hope - one bright spark that managed to hold back the grey skies starting to form in my head.

"It's just, after the rain, comes blue skies"

As the night came to an end, I made my way home, my mind racing with overwhelm and anxiety. None of it felt real, what the hell had actually just happened? And, of course, I knew my hangover the next morning was going to be brutal.

Somewhere in that sea of restless thoughts, I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up hours later, I was greeted by a pounding headache, an upset stomach, and a racing heartbeat, a clear reminder that the feelings from the night before hadn’t faded like people had been telling me they would. If anything, they were still pulsing through me, whispering that I had something I needed to do next.

"I woke up, the future felt bright, your smile's with me, and so are your eyes."

Everything after that becomes a bit of a blur. I don’t remember much, but my phone became my home for the next day as I checked, over and over, for that one notification - the sign that he’d added me back. Every hour dragged on. I just wanted that golden moment to finally appear, the chance to act, to say something, to do something. And after what felt like forever, I checked again... and there it was. He’d added me back.

"It's just, after the rain, comes blue skies"

We started talking, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do, so I just tried to follow what felt right: being myself. It was slow, but that’s to be expected, right? I don’t know. Everything felt scary, and I didn’t want to overthink it or convince myself something was wrong, because I knew that would only make me act weird.

Still, it all felt so unnecessary, holding back what I really wanted to say. I couldn’t just blurt out how I felt, but deep down, that’s exactly what I wanted to do. We talked about our own respective nights, and plans, as the convo cuts off, me presuming that he's gone to bed to keep my head calm, I tell myself that it's not going to start off perfect, especially based on all that we actually did when we met. Maybe if I'd have gotten a few words in then it'd have been a different story, but he had to leave.

"I followed you with a thought in mind, I wanna know you and not just that high"

Thank you to my friend, nicobreon for this lyric, it perfectly said what I had in mind.

A day passes, and we start talking again, just lightly at first. I’d met up with someone who said they wanted to guide me, but honestly, it felt more like they just made things more complicated. Still, I managed to pick the conversation back up because, at this point, I really wanted to get to know him. I asked what he does in life, work, hobbies, anything.

He replied a bit later, told me what he does, and it actually felt nice to finally learn something about him. It gave me a bit of relief, and, funnily enough, it turned out to be in a field I’d been interested in exploring myself to help accompany my dream career should I decide to take it a bit more riskily.

Then came the question: "What about you?"

Well, honestly, I don’t work right now, life had other plans for the past four years, I feel like I'm still waiting for LifeOS to boot up, but I’ve been putting the pieces together to make it happen, and things are finally moving in a good direction. What I do have, though, is a huge passion for producing and composing music for video games. It’s my dream career, something I’ve always been insanely proud of. So without hesitation, I told him that. I explained how I’d been researching ways to start small, taking on low-level commissions to eventually turn it into the job I’ve always wanted.

And then... nothing. Left on delivered. I tried to hold it together - he’d probably just gone to bed, or something like that, right? So I brushed it off and tried to stay present with the person I was hanging out with.

But then another day passed, and the message became clear to me. Someone told me I should wait for him to start the next conversation - that it would be silly for me to be the one reaching out every time. So I listened. I put on a straight face for everyone around me, pretending it didn’t sting. But inside, it was eating me alive. I blamed myself, wondering if I’d said something wrong, or if maybe I just wasn’t interesting enough. Would things have gone differently if I’d been someone else?

Acceptance felt like it was slowly on the horizon. Parts of me that had long been missing were starting to feel genuinely confident again. So, while I waited to see what might happen, I decided to focus on that growth, to lean into it. I started reading, learning what I could do to improve my life in every way possible, figuring out what steps I needed to take to start setting things right, not just for this situation, but for myself. He was the force behind it, but I felt 'some high' and ran with it.

"It's just, after the rain, comes blue skies."

Sadly, nothing ever came of waiting. I was left on delivered, until eventually I was seen and then abruptly cut off by him, shattering what little remained. While I’ve accepted that I need to move on, it still stings from time to time. He lingers in my mind stronger than most things do, and these new, overwhelming feelings can take me out of myself for hours. I hope that someday I’ll experience something like this again.

To cope, I found solace in my music. I wrote, arranged and produced Rainbow over 26 hours, subtly embedding this story into it. Not the cheerful, the lyrics don't quite match the happy song that sits below them, but that’s intentional - in my mind, it allows anyone to interpret it in their own way, to overlay their own experiences, and to feel and understand these emotions. Even though it’s my story, it can resonate with others.

Since then, I’ve kept pushing forward. I continue to work past this barrier and focus on bettering myself. I remind myself of what I’ve gained and continue to grow in his absence, reflecting on what he may have lost rather than what I did.

"I can't find colour with you in my dreams, let me go with you over there, yeah. I wanna see your smile over the Rainbow"

These verses here, what I would consider to be my favourites, resonate with me through it all. Despite everything, I still hold onto this wish. Someday, I would much rather see his smile instead of the most beautiful natural phenomena on this planet, the rainbow. It’s a gentle reminder of the joy and light that I still hold on from his image, amidst the sadness I hold that things didn't go anywhere in this direction.

Wow, I didn't expect that to go on for that long, and I also didn't expect it to get so personal, but that right there is the story hidden deep beneath the lyrics. Oversharing to the max? I just want to get it off my chest, really.

Also, whilst it does eat up at me, even to this day, given that this was a good while ago now, I really am trying my hardest to move past it, and Rainbow is just a part of the map that living out this new journey of emotions, feelings and such is building, and so I'm more than grateful for those who stopped by to give it a visit and say a couple of nice things, it really aids in the feeling of all of this, and I genuinely hope someday I can look back upon this, smile, and continue to enjoy Rainbow for both what it is, and what it shows that I've moved from.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading this, that too means a lot to me, and I hope someday in a far distant future I can stare back at this too, and just smile as I mentioned 10 seconds ago, knowing what I moved on from. Thank you!